Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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