Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
