Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
