i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
