If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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