You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
