So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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