While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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