first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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