the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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