Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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