so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
