If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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