I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
