drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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