I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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