that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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