No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
