Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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