I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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