I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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