I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
