i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
