it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize