I'm gonna have a badass scar
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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