She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
