So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sober January is a disaster.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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