You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle