Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...