no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
