11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
