i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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