david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
