just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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