3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
