i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
