Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
