I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
