and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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