Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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