I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
