you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
