when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize