that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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