You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
