I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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