Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
