im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
