The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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