SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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