i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
