it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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