why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
