just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
