remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
