Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
