I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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