do herpes really smell.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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