he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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