I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
