I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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