just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
