Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
