To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
