ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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