A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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