Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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