We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
